Rob and Kady were just about the cutest couple I’d ever seen and, frankly, I envied their relationship – well, to be completely truthful I envied everything about them – at least in the beginning. Their life seemed idyllic.  Rob was movie star handsome and a truly sweet guy.  Kady was an enigma. She could be adorable and sassy and then elegant and sophisticated. She also had one of the best laughs ever.

Rob and my husband were long time friends and Rob invited us over for after dinner drinks one evening as a way to get better acquainted. They lived in a posh section of town in a delightful basement apartment that boasted a cozy fireplace. The four of us hit it off very naturally that evening.  We drank wine, played cards, and laughed a lot. It was clear that we were going to be good friends and I looked forward to more good times together when the evening came to a close. 

I learned that Kady had been a schoolteacher but was currently unemployed and just “playing house”.  Since Rob worked for his dad it became clear to me that they spent a lot of time together “playing house” which I found oh! So romantic.  My own marriage was less so and I envied their passion. Their affection for one another was sweet but not over done. I longed for a pet name, loving glances, and hand holding but that that wasn’t happening in my situation. And don’t we always long for what we think is missing in our own life?

Being newlyweds neither of us had much money but we were young and creative and didn’t need money to have fun. We went hiking and picnicking and visited free festivals of all kinds in the surrounding towns and counties. Kady was our event planner mostly because she was at home with time on her hands.  And we learned that dinners need not be expensive to be fun. Besides, with candles flickering on the table and a little cheap wine, who cares if we’re having hamburger helper or sloppy joes?  Of course, we had occasional dinners that were splendid – steaks, all kinds of seafood – oysters, shrimp, trout – pork roasts, lamb – all funded by Kady’s parents who pitied their lifestyle, were aghast at their typical meals, and worried about their nutrition.  So her doting parents brought tons of food whenever they came to visit – packing their refrigerator and small freezer to overflowing.  Rob and Kady found it amusing if not a tad insulting.  But not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth they accepted graciously.  Luckily for us, Rob and Kady were generous and we benefited from their bounty.

Kady got pregnant and they were thrilled. I was excited, too, but jealous. In the first place, there was no way my husband would consent to having a baby.  And secondly, not only would adding a baby have strained our purse, it would have also added more stress to our already rocky relationship.  I decided to concentrate on being Auntie Linda as a sort of consolation prize to myself. Kady and Rob began looking for a bigger place to live – even though their current situation seemed fine to me.  They found a large apartment in a trendy new complex where lots of young couples lived.  It had a pool, tennis court, and a community center. It was expensive and Rob decided to branch out to another job where he saw the possibility for advancement. He continued to work with his dad on the weekends for extra income. Kady began decorating the new apartment. She found second hand pieces, made bookshelves out of planks and bricks (quite country chic in those days), and did needlework pillows as accents. Rob crafted their dining table and it was beautiful.  He also sanded, stained, and varnished wine barrels as side tables – very cool. He even gifted one to me, which I so appreciated. Kady’s parents were eager to help out and bought them a new sofa and baby furniture. Mostly it was a happy time but there were occasional bumps in the road and along the way I learned a few things about my friends.

It came as no surprise to learn that Kady was an only child and, although she would have denied it, spoiled rotten.  She had been privileged all her life. Her parents had inherited wealth, were educated and prominent in their community. They had seen to it that Kady had the best of everything – travel, clothes, experiences, and education. She, of course, was a sorority girl. In fact, she was a direct legacy – joining the same sorority as her mom. Even so, she was very much a daddy’s girl.  Rob’s parents were prominent in their community but for different reasons. Neither of them was educated beyond high school. Rob’s dad owned a well-known service station and auto repair shop.  His shop had a good reputation and Tom was friendly and easy going, which made him popular.  Rob’s mom was a beauty who had married money on the first go ‘round but left with her daughter after suffering several years of abuse.  She left the country club crowd to marry Tom but kept friends everywhere.  Although Kady’s parents were polite to Rob’s family it was clear that they did not see themselves in the same league. To make matters worse, Rob had not attended college and that put a real dent in his armor as far as Kady’s parents were concerned.

But here’s the thing I learned that underpinned everything else – the story of how Kady and Rob met:  Kady was Rob’s high school Senior English teacher. Shocker, right?  It certainly was for me – but more so in retrospect than on first glance.  What I mean is that I first found out from my husband who thought their story was amusing.  Although I was shocked I withheld judgment on account of my husband.  Later on in our friendship Rob and Kady mentioned it almost in passing and with lots of giggling and teasing one another.  But what I finally realized is that is why Kady was no longer teaching school. Now I don’t know that she lost her job on account of their affair but I learned there was a bit of a scandal surrounding it.  The truth of it was that Rob had never cared much for school and had horsed around a lot, been absent routinely, and failed at least one grade, maybe two.  He was nineteen in his Senior year of school. Kady was a young college graduate in her first year of teaching so there wasn’t a huge age difference and I wouldn’t classify her as a cougar. Still it was inappropriate.  Rob made it clear that he had aggressively pursued and wooed her but she had succumbed. They did quite a bit of sneaking around during their clandestine courtship and I don’t know who found out what but it became known. So there was that coupled with the fact that Kady’s parents did not approve of Rob. I don’t know if they knew the whole, unadulterated version of their love story but I’m fairly sure they were clever enough to fill in any missing pieces. And, of course, they would not dare blame their daughter for her part.  Instead, they felt that Rob had ruined Kady’s career – not to mention her life. She had married someone who didn’t have money, status, or an education and now their daughter was prancing around like a love sick teenager.  Rob’s parents knew the whole story and thought it was cute and amusing.  I also learned that whatever Kady wanted, Kady got – from her parents and from Rob and from most folks that she knew.  She just had that way about her – some people would call it charm. Others might call it manipulation. 

During Kady’s pregnancy tension mounted between Kady and her parents.  They were overbearing and Kady resented it but it was hard for her to ignore their lavish gifts. Rob was usually “Switzerland” but he lived for Kady’s happiness. The balance of disdain and annoyance; imperiousness and indignation is a dance at best and a tightrope walk at worst. Someone is bound to stumble and fall sooner or later.  And they did – regularly and often.  Kady would have occasional tirades and periods of not speaking to her parents. Her mother would sulk for a while but her father always caved almost immediately. Apologies and gifts inevitably followed.  I don’t know how they managed the stress of it. I found it supremely awful and I never knew whether they were on or off. So I always tread lightly until I could gauge the weather.  It could be sunshine and blue skies, a raging thunderstorm, or a light drizzle.  It was exhausting to keep up.  Thankfully Kady’s parents were always very gracious to me and even though I must admit they were a little much at times I felt sorry for them.  As much as Kady declared that she didn’t give a fig about what they thought, she suffered frequently from debilitating headaches. I’m fairly sure they were simply a result of the constant stress.

Kady gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl they named Camden Blue and, of course, she was the most adorable and smartest kid ever to be born in the whole wide world.  With no children of my own, I had to agree.  The parental tension seemed to soften for a while but by Cam’s first birthday it was back in full force.  And along about then another drama entered their lives.

As it turned out who Rob thought was his father was not really his father. And it seems that Rob had discovered this shocking truth in his Freshman year of high school – which likely accounted for all his troubles with school.  Why his mother decided to tell him I couldn’t say but she did. The knowledge rocked Rob’s world and created havoc with his heretofore-good relationship with the man he thought was his dad. So here’s the story:  Rob’s mother, Ellen, had been married to a wealthy, abusive, scoundrel. When she finally got the nerve to leave him he refused to give her a penny. Ellen went to work in a factory rather than crawl back to her abuser.  As I mentioned previously she was a beauty and it wasn’t long before she had a number of suitors. Unfortunately, the man she fell in love with was the factory manager, Walt, who happened to be married with three children.  Ellen got pregnant but refused his offer to leave his wife and marry her. Instead she accepted an offer of marriage from her most ardent suitor, Tom, who knew she was pregnant and did not care at all. He wanted Ellen.  They thought it best to let everyone think that the baby was Tom’s son and that would have been just fine except that Walt also knew Ellen was pregnant with his child.  Walt was left to keep this secret but in truth he carried another secret with him – the secret of his love for Ellen.  When his wife died he looked for Ellen and, even though she still loved him, she loved Tom also and was not interested in rekindling the relationship with Walt but was amenable to his meeting his son, Rob.  The introduction did not go well. Rob was angry, shaken, and refused to have anything to do with Walt.  So Walt did not pressure Rob but he kept in touch with holiday cards and such that Rob would not acknowledge. Time passed. Rob met Kady and their story happened. But Rob did not tell Kady about Walt until he received a long, hand-written letter from his biological father saying that he was not well and that his only wish was to know his son.  I suppose that having become a father himself Rob was able to view his father’s request through a different lens.  He sobbed out the whole story to Kady – thinking she would be appalled.  However, Kady embraced Rob and his long lost father. The plain truth is that Kady loved drama but, in this case, that worked out for the best.  She rallied to the cry and bundled her baby and Rob up for the trip to meet the father recently turned grandfather.  I personally thought it was a true love story – however, entangled it was.  Kady’s parents were disgusted and called it a circus. It was not their finest hour. Kady threatened to break ties with them all together and refused to let them see Camden for some time.  I can only imagine how this broke their hearts.  Rob embraced his biological father and his newfound siblings. Both he and Kady put much time and effort into making Walt’s last year the best it could be.

Now this is the part of the story that is hazy for me because my own marriage broke apart and I moved out of town.  Kady and I kept in touch by occasional phone calls but mostly letters – and those were usually filled with Camden’s progress and then her second baby – a boy whom they named after Rob.  A year passed and I went to visit Rob and Kady.  If I hadn’t been jealous before, well, the green-eyed monster hit me squarely between the eyes when I arrived.  Kady and Rob had bought an old house in an established neighborhood.  Kady had called it a “fixer upper” in her letters.  It was old, that is true, but it was also utterly charming. The street was lined with old sugar maples, red oaks, and fir trees.  The house was surrounded by well-kept shrubs and sumptious old plantings.  The front porch was wide and welcoming with old wicker rockers and hanging ferns. Kady opened the door smiling and gracious. The smell of cookies fresh from the oven wafted out. Darling Camden ran to greet me.  I met pudgy little Robbie sitting in his high chair with a happy grin on his face.  Kady’s knack for decorating and Rob’s handyman skills were evident. I got the grand tour and found their house subtly elegant and very comfortable. It was like something from a magazine and only in my dreams. I wanted to weep for their happiness and my own loneliness.   I stayed for lunch and Kady and I gossiped and giggled after the children went down for their naps. She seemed happy and that was cemented for me the moment I saw Rob come through the door to greet her and the children. His handsome face beamed with love for his family.  It was the picture of perfection.  I refused to stay for dinner – mostly because I could not bear anymore.  I needed to steady myself and that left me feeling selfish and silly. 

After that I moved away and found another life. Next thing I knew I was reading a letter from Kady saying that Rob had moved out and she was in the process of selling the house.  I was completely stunned. I tried to call but there was no answer. The next phone call yielded a recording saying “this number is no longer working”.  All I could do was wait to hear from her. Eventually I received a card with her new address – many miles away from her once happy home – an apartment where she was staying with the kids. She offered no clue as to what had happened. I could not imagine. I wrote to ask if I could visit.  She called soon thereafter and we arranged a time that I could visit.

I arrived to find a new complex of apartments complete with amenities. Kady’s decorating was evident in their roomy abode.  The children were well but Camden was stand-offish and surly. It was clear that Kady’s parents were now in good standing with her and active in her new life. Kady talked about the Montessori school that Camden was now attending, Robbie’s three day a week play school, her old sorority sisters who were now part of her life, and trips she had taken with the children.  When I asked about Rob she was vague and mostly complained that he didn’t visit the children often (never mind that she had moved over an hour away and he was still working two jobs). When I pressed she began pointing out the fact that Rob had not gone to college and although she had pushed him to attend the local community college he had not done so.  I couldn’t believe it when she said, “Rob will always be just a blue collar worker.”  So there it was. The plain truth was that she had suddenly grown up. She was tired of playing house. She wanted the life her parents had always wanted for her and that did not include someone who was not her social equal. If she had told me anything else I think I might have forgiven her. But suddenly I realized that she had left and broken Rob’s heart.  And that she was moving forward without a glance backward or even a slight appreciation for what she had once had. I continued to listen – hoping for a glimpse of something that would help me see this tragedy in a different light.  But nothing appeared.  I returned home feeling empty and sad and wondering about love – anyone’s.

Several months later I received a call from Kady. She was bubbling with enthusiasm because she had met someone.  She told me he was a little older than she – handsome (of course) – an attorney in an established law firm (no surprise) – and that he was in love with her and adored the children. He had proposed but there was one problem: he was a devout Catholic.  Therefore, Kady and Rob’s marriage must be annulled by the Catholic Church before Kady could become a Catholic and marry this new man. Hence her phone call. She wanted me to serve as a “witness” regarding her previous marriage. I hesitated and Kady pushed on about how I probably knew them best and then went on about how much she loved this new guy and how a stable family unit would be so good for the children.  What could I say?  I was a weak, people pleaser, and caught off-guard. So I agreed.  That is until the papers arrived from the Catholic Church asking me to document what I knew of Kady and Rob’s relationship.  What could I say?  The truth?  How would the truth get Kady what she wanted?  And the other truth is that the whole thing thrust me back into the memories of my own other life with its heartbreak and sadness. I sank into a terrible depression. In the end, I crawled out of it.  But I never answered the questionnaire and I never heard from Kady again. Love stories don’t always have happy endings.